Author Archives: Wild Cookery!

Not Quite Another Year.

Well, as the title says, it’s not quite been another year since I last posted here on this blog.

I haven’t done any foraging whatsoever since I moved last fall. Zero, zip, nadda. I moved from the verdant forest which was my backyard, to the armpit of Hell.
Foraging opportunities have been nonexistent.

But all is not lost!

Over the next year plans are to move North, into a much more temperate environment. Think pine forest and mountains. There shall be foraging opportunities a plenty there, as well as a much more pleasant environment in general.

Then, maybe I can get back to doing some foraging articles and write ups. It’s kind of hard to write about foraging when one is not foraging. Also, the dead Latin names for a lot of lesser utilized plants are starting to fall out of my head. If I don’t start foraging again soon, I won’t know my Asclepias from my Ascot.

Categories: Foraging, Uncategorized, Wild Cookery | Leave a comment

David Bowie, is dead at age 69.

David Bowie is Dead at 69

I originally thought this was yet another hoax. It is not. Confirmed by his son, Duncan Jones.

He just released his new album Blackstar TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO!!!

I have not the words…

Categories: Music, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

Another year, another beer.

That would be nice, actually. Mmm… beer…

Not very good for you, but damn if good beer isn’t an awesome thing.

Well, again, a very long time has lapsed since my last post on this blog.

I’d pretty much given it up for dead, with the lack of actual foraging that I’ve been doing, or rather, not doing, over the past year or so.

Due to unforeseen circumstances I’m no longer in my little green garden of foraging goodness, and local foraging areas are incredibly inaccessible to me at the moment.

And, my wife and my health have suffered quite a bit for it. She’s put on about 30 pounds and I’ve put on about 40 pounds.

I weighed myself the other day and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever weighted. Not the ‘fattest’, as I’ve put on some upper body muscle since that time, but the most actual weight I’ve ever been.

I’ve felt sluggish and tired.

The holiday season was brutally stressful, and having everyone bring over and offer every sweet thing imaginable didn’t help either.

But, enough of all of that.

Starting three days ago, we started to change our eating habits to me more in line with what they were years ago, when we lived in a greener and more forage-friendly place.

Finding a place to forage around here will be the challenge, but it needs to happen.

I’m also reading Mark Sisson’s ‘Primal Blueprint’, which I bought yesterday in kindle edition so I could start reading it immediately. Most of what he’s covering so far is stuff I already know, but haven’t put into best practice. I’m only on chapter 2 though so far, so we’ll see how it goes.

Seeing has how it’s been so long since I’ve posted or had an actual following of fellow foragers, I don’t expect anyone to really read and/or comment upon this, but it’s more as a cathartic for myself to type my thoughts down and be able to reread them at a later time for reflection and to track my own progress.

More to follow.



Categories: Primal/Paleo, Uncategorized, Wild Cookery | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Wild Muther****in’ Cookery, B****es!

Why hello there foragers, friends, and fiends!

‘Tis been an awful long time since I posted anything in this blog. Not been doing much foraging with 3 feet of snow on the ground.

It’s been the most god-awful winter I can remember in almost 40 years. Brutal, horrible, and nigh-neverending.

I absolutely cannot wait for it to be over and for the Spring thaw to finally take effect. Though I’m not looking forward to the flooding, that’s for sure.

Let’s take a look at my garden…


Hmm… yea, that sucks.


So does that. Ok, no green stuff for me any time soon.

But… today is the 1st of March. This goram winter can’t last forever!

And when Jack Frost finally stumbles and the first shoots of spring pop up, I will be there to collect and nom them!

Wintercress and Wild Garlic will be amongst the first to pop up. Along with Dandelions and Garlic Mustard.

Just thinking about it makes my stomach growl. I’ve been resigned to a diet of ‘people’ food this winter, and let me tell you, there’s nothing worse for someone who’s used to eating wild. I’ve gained weight and feel like crap.

Time for a Spring diet of real food soon, methinks.

I hope all of ye are having a pleasant end of winter, and I certainly hope none of ye have to deal with more snow that I do.

All the best!


Categories: Education, Foraging | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Worms? OK! Dandelions? Baaaaaaad.

I haven’t posted on this blog for a while.

Haven’t had anything foraging-related to talk about lately. Until now.
About two years ago now, I was teaching my oldest two kids how to identify wild edible plants. They were 7 and 8 at the time. Perfectly old enough to begin learning how to identify simple and easy wild edibles. (I learned from birth, thanks to my dear old departed Dad.)

When their mother (who I parted ways with many years ago now), found out that I was teaching the kids how to identify and eat ‘weeds’ as she called them, she about went ballistic. I mean full metal jacket, in my shit, nasty too. Not just casual disagreement.

“That’s disgusting. That’s what POOR people eat. I don’t want to be embarrassed by having our kids pick nasty WEEDS in a park or something. And what if a dog peed on them?” On and on and on.

After that kind of reaction, I didn’t dare to teach the kids about edible insects. In fact she actually threatened to turn me in for ‘child abuse’ if she ever found out that I was teaching the kids about edible insects. Yes, she was serious, and yes she absolutely would have done so.
So, on top of all of that, she ‘forbade’ me from teaching my kids how to identify wild plants when they came over to visit. She also ratcheted down on the kids and told them that they would get severe corporal punishment if she ever caught them eating a ‘weed’.

This totally shattered my oldest daughter, who was doing very well at learning how to identify wild plants, and who’s favorites so far were plantain and dandelion, which she could identify accurately 100% of the time.

And now, on their mother’s Facebook, I read that her and her husband had my kids eating WORMS.

Uh…. excuse me?

Now don’t misunderstand me. I’m not complaining so much about worms, or any other edible insects. But that’s not what this was about. It wasn’t being taught in the context of survival skills or learning.

What I’m talking about here is the utter hypocrisy of this whole thing.

It was a prank where the adults had fun at the expense of the kids by the juvenille practice of betting them money (which most kids love) that they will or won’t do a certain behavior.

Not for learning, not for an increase in knowledge, but for a fun ‘prank’ on the part of adults who are acting like 5th graders. This is the equivalent of betting a college kid they won’t swallow the goldfish.

This is the truly disturbing world that this woman lives in. Learning how to identify dandelions, dock, plantains, thistles, sorrel, etc, is ‘horrible’ because it’s teaching the kids to eat ‘weeds’ and ‘poor people food’, and they need to stop doing so immediately under threat of physical violence from their mother. But it’s somehow OK for their mother’s husband to bet them $10 they won’t eat a worm and then for their mother to find it perfectly acceptable and hilarious when they do. Then my son, who always has to outdo his sister, proved he was more ‘macho’ by eating FOUR worms instead of one, all at once.

I think the words of my wife sum it up best: “That hypocritical CUNT! Having the kids eat worms on a bet when she threatened to turn YOU in for ‘child abuse’ if you simply taught them about edible insects for basic survival skills!”

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. And that’s the kind of bullshit I have to deal with daily.

And that’s what the fuck is wrong with this country. One set of ‘rules’ for one set of people, and one set of rules for another set of people. When one person does an action, it’s wrong. When another person does the exact same action, it’s perfectly OK.

If *I* had done this and posted video on Youtube, Facebook or whatever, it would have been the horror of horrors and I’d have people crawling all up my ass over it, and saying what a horrible Father I was. Even if I’d done it purely in a survival/learning context and not as some childish sophomoric ‘bet’ like they did.

I’m really getting awfully sick of double standards.

P.S. The kids’ mother also nominated her husband for ‘Father of the Year’, apparently.
All I have to say on that one, is if this is how the ‘Father of the Year’ behaves, thank God I’m not.

Categories: Animals, Foraging, Nature | Tags: , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Pride

They say there’s a song for every occasion.
Seems like there’s two songs today! 🙂

Johnny Cash and PBR, Jack Daniels, Nascar
Facebook, Myspace, iPod, Bill Gates
Smith and Wesson, NRA, Firewater, Paleface
Dimebag, Tupac, Heavy Metal, Hip hop

(I am) what you fear most, (I am) what you need
(I am) what you made me, (I am) the American dream
I’m not selling out, I’m buying in
I will not be forgotten, this it my time to shine
I’ve got the scars to prove it, only the strong survive
I’m not afraid of dying, everyone has their time
I’ve never favored weakness, welcome to the pride

Disneyland, White House, JFK and Micky Mouse
John Wayne, Springsteen, Eastwood, James Dean
Coca Cola, Pepsi, Playboy, Text me
NFL, NBA, Brett Favre, King James

(I am) all American, (I am) living the dream
(I am) what you fear most, (I am) anarchy
I’m not selling out, I’m buying in

I will not be forgotten, this it my time to shine
I’ve got the scars to prove it, only the strong survive
I’m not afraid of dying, everyone has their time
I’ve never favored weakness, welcome to the pride

(Since the dawn of time only the strong have survived, I will not be

Welcome to the pride

Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah
Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah
(Only the strong survive)

Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah
Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah, Hey ey ey yeah
(Welcome to the pride)

I will not be forgotten, this it my time to shine
I’ve got the scars to prove it, only the strong survive
I’m not afraid of dying, everyone has their time
I’ve never Favored weakness, welcome to the pride

Categories: Entertainment, Music | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

I’m Under and Over It

Yep, I think that pretty much sums it up…

You can be me and I will be you.
You can live just like a star.
I’ll take my sanity, you take the fame.
I’m under and over it all.
(I’m under and over it.)

Did you hear the one about me playing the game?
Selling my soul and changing my name.
Did you hear the one about me being a prick?
Did you know I don’t care? You can suck my…
Did you hear the one about me trying to die?
Fist in the air and a finger to the sky.
Do I care if you hate me? Do you wanna know the truth?
C’est la vie….adiós….good riddance….fuck you!

Categories: Entertainment, Music | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Farewell to the Green Deane forum

Posted here, in case the original is deleted over at GDF, my friends can still see why I left.


I’m going to just cut through the mustard and lay it all out.

This has been coming for a while now, but this topic brought it to a head.

Let’s talk about another one of my pet hates: hypocrites.

We have ’em in spades.

In the past few months, I have seen a few people, and one member in particular, treated like vile filth by the majority of the rest of the board, and even at times by Deane.

They’ve been openly mocked, ridiculed, derided, and essentially told that their content ‘doesn’t belong here’ or is somehow inferior.

This is absolutely unacceptable.

Often calls are made to ‘get rid of’ these members. If it doesn’t fit a certain narrow window, then their contributions are mocked and they are somehow not worthy of being a member here.

But let’s just call it what it is. Bullying.

This is not the ‘tough love’ that I’ve been trying to explain to some of you who have been thick as bricks on the subject. Tough love is done because you care and don’t want to see the individual come to harm. Bullying is done because deriding an individual or their contributions somehow makes YOU feel better.

But wait, you may say, no one’s been directly bullied here. We’re such sweet angels. We rarely, if ever, say anything nasty to anyone.

It’s still bullying, no matter how you dress it up. In all honesty, it’s exponentially worse than a direct insult. A direct insult you can actually face and deal with. The subtle, sly, intellectual kind of bullying can really eat at an individual. Until their self-worth is depleted enough that they either slink off and don’t come back, or they just read and not post because they’re afraid of being jumped on when they do.

And no, you aren’t outright calling anyone an idiot. You’re going a few steps worse. You’re TREATING them like an idiot, in front of the ‘whole class’. It’s self-righteous and subtle, which makes it even more dangerous.

So all this BS talk about being ‘sensitive’? Riiggghht. BS troll is still BSing… Because you’re still treating someone poorly and claiming to be angels.

And all the while you can claim that you’ve not been doing anything wrong. Tee-hee. Oh, so clever you. And as long as no one has anything direct or concrete to call you out on, you’re walking the high road, right?

The whole thing sickens me.

Yes, I’m also talking about how some of you and even our host (Yes, YOU, Deane) have treated our pal Swampy here. Some of you have been at odds with him since that one thread months back, and so everything he posts is read by you negatively before you even read the content.

And some people whom I’ve formerly considered friends here have been outright vile to me just because I’ve stuck up for the guy and not let them run roughshod over him. So be it.
I can no longer continue to ignore these things which ultimately go against my core values.

So, it’s time to say adieu.

It’s been mostly fun, but has certainly been a wild ride. (Pun intended.)

Deane: Thank you for all the videos you’ve authored and all the people you have helped by publishing them. I’ve learned a lot from you, and filled in some blanks in my foraging knowledge.

To the rest of the ACTIVE foraging forum: I’ve learned more from YOU collectively, than I did from one man or his videos, no matter how awesome they may be. YOU are the true treasure here. I think he perhaps forgets that from time to time, and acts accordingly.

Mike: Please put my account in read-only mode. If that’s not possible, then you may outright delete me. I’m done posting here. But be aware that if you do, every post I ever made will quite likely vanish depending on the forum settings. And that’ll be a lot of forum content gone forever.

Heather & Deane: Don’t even try this. Leave it to the professional IT guy. You can permanently and irrevocably obliterate a large part of the forum if you click the wrong thing when doing this on a member account that’s been here so long and who has thousands of posts into the forum.

To everyone: As always, I may be reached at

There is much more that could be said, but I’d rather leave on a somewhat pleasant note.

Farewell friends. May you tread wild paths seldom trod, and pick only the tastiest morsels.

All the best,


Categories: Foraging, Green, Nature, Wild Cookery | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

When is Trespassing Acceptable?

As a forager, I run into this concept and question quite often.

When is it acceptable to trespass on  someone’s private property in search of wild edible plants?

The answer, of course, is NEVER.

If it’s within arm’s reach of the road and you don’t actually have to walk ONTO the property, or if it’s fruit that is, say, hanging OVER a fence, and onto a public sidewalk, then that is different.

You may not however, EVER trespass on someone’s land without their permission, for any reason.

If they have signs up to the equivalent of ‘No Trespassing’, then even walking up to the door to ask permission is unacceptable, because they’ve made it known that your presence is not wanted, for any reason. If you really want to forage there, get the address off of their mailbox, and send them a handwritten letter asking kindly for permission. This will likely get you a positive response.

But apparently this rule doesn’t seem to apply to certain special classes of people doing other things.


There’s nothing in the world I hate more than being woken up by a loud and incessant knock on the door. Well, maybe a few other things I hate more. But not many. Like idiots who call me and show up as ‘Unknown caller’ on caller ID, never leave a message, and then call 50 times a day. And when you answer it, it’s an automated collection call for some jackass who had the phone number before you did, and there’s no way in the world to get the service to stop calling you, because you never get a real human on the other end.

But I digress…

So there I was, having the best sleep since… oh… months at least, as I haven’t been getting much rest lately with all the work and research that I’ve been doing in the evenings, since it’s typically the only quiet time I get during the day, and I’m jolted stark awake by some SOB banging on the front storm door so hard I thought it was about to come off it’s hinges.

So in the milliseconds after being so unceremoniously jolted awake, my mind goes through the inventory of who it could possibly be knocking on my door, on a Monday, in the early AM.

It has to be no one we know. Everyone we know, knows that the front door is closed for the winter, and to come to the side door. So it can’t be friends, or neighbors. That means it’s a stranger.

Well, thinks I, I’m expecting a book that I ordered, so it’s probably one of the delivery services with the box. Likely Fed Ex. UPS just leaves it without ever knocking and the mailman just puts it in the mailbox. I have a huge mailbox just for this purpose. Book orders and anything smaller than a German Shepard, fit in my mailbox just fine. But even the UPS and mailman guys have figured out to use the side door for deliveries.

So, having come to this conclusion that it was most likely just the book I ordered the other day, I closed my eyes again.




OMG, are you effin’ kidding me?

Someone’s house better be burning down for someone to be knocking on my door like this and not giving up.

Right about now, I’m pretty livid. The wife is not amused at being woken up either.

So, I crawl out of bed, throw some clothes on, and make my way out to the front door.

It only took about 45 seconds to go from my bed to the door, and they were gone.

There were, however fresh tire tracks in my driveway.

So… snow tracker time. I put on my coat and boots and went outside.

One vehicle, coming from the east, and traveling westward. Pulled into my driveway, only about halfway, and then stopped. Odd.
Two people exited the vehicle. The driver immediately walked over to my neighbor’s house, then walked back to the driver’s side of the vehicle. The passenger immediately walked from the vehicle to MY front door, knocked like it was going out of style. Twice, then immediately walked back to the vehicle.

My first thought at this point was someone selling something.

So I followed the tracks up to my front door. No package or anything else out of order, and nothing attached to the outside handle.
So then I opened the storm door, and on the INSIDE latch, there was a fresh rolled up copy of some Jehovah’s Witness literature. Yep. Someone selling something.

Why would these people be out early on a Monday? No one’s typically home.

Then my brain kicked in. It’s MLK Jr. Day. This explains why these idiots are out in the freezing cold on a MONDAY morning. They’re trying to get all the people who have the day off. And who obviously would be *thrilled* being woken up early on their day off to hear their JW spiel.
This isn’t ‘religious freedom’. It’s outright harassment. It’s also trespassing. Apparently that big sign I have in the window that says ‘No Solicitation’ will need to be altered. They either can’t read, don’t know what the word ‘solicitation’ means, or think it doesn’t apply to them, and their particular brand of unwanted harassment is somehow ‘protected’.

No, it isn’t.

But let me ask this. If Muslims, or any other religion other than a Christian, showed up on people’s front door, and left pamphlets with, say… Quran verses in them on people’s doorknobs, would people tolerate this crap for a minute?

Or would they crap gold kittens, and say they were being harassed, and demand to be left alone? Heck, they’d probably even try to author legislation that made it illegal to be ‘harassed’ by those groups.

But on a whole, we largely tolerate this crap even though we don’t like it. Why? Oh, because as my Catholic father once told me, they’re ‘Christians too’, and they’re just ‘spreading the word of the Lord, even if they are a bit annoying.’

People don’t dislike JWs (and Mormons) because of their beliefs. They dislike them because of their actions.

Because they show up at your doorstep, and try to shove their beliefs down your throat in your own home.

How this has ever been acceptable is beyond me. I find it intrusive and insulting.

You want me to read something unsolicited? Mail it to me. It’s got to be cheaper than going house to house. Especially with the price of gas.

If anyone wondered for even a moment why the general public’s tolerance of people who proclaim themselves to be ‘Christians’ is at an all time low, all you have to do is look at these groups who are actively working hard to give all Christians a bad name.

Categories: Foraging, Nature, Religiosity | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grab The Head and Yank!

Sometimes things just tickle my funny bone.


Things like this remind me that sometimes people take their own bullshit waaaay too seriously.

(Linked, *not* copied, directly from Yahoo. All rights reserved to original artist and holders.)

Categories: Comedy, Funny Stuff, Religiosity | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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